The holidays are often seen as a magical time filled with joy, laughter, and connection. But for many of us, it can also bring feelings of loneliness and sadness, making this season more challenging than cheerful. While some people are surrounded by loved ones, others might feel left out, struggling to navigate the emotional weight of this time of year.
If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. In fact, about one in four people say they feel lonely during the holidays. Social media can make it even harder. Scrolling through photos of holiday parties and perfect family gatherings can leave us wondering if we’re the only ones who feel disconnected. But remember: what we see online is just a highlight reel, not the whole story.
Why We Feel Lonely During the Holidays
The holiday season comes wrapped in expectations—sparkling lights, joyful gatherings, and picture-perfect moments with loved ones. But for many of us, these expectations don’t match reality. Instead of joy, we feel the heavy weight of loneliness, often amplified by the pressure to make this time of year magical.
Society sets a high bar for the holidays. Movies, advertisements, and even well-meaning traditions paint an idealized picture of the season. Families should be warm and united, friendships should feel effortless, and celebrations should sparkle with laughter. When our reality doesn’t look like that—whether because of distance, loss, or strained relationships—it can make us feel like we’ve failed or that something is wrong with us.
So why does loneliness feel so intense during the holidays?
In moments of disconnection or exclusion, Amy the amygdala, kicks into gear. Amy’s job is to keep us safe, but when we feel left out or isolated, she sounds the alarm, telling us that something is wrong. This is because, at a fundamental level, our brain is wired for connection. Historically, being part of a group was essential for survival, and loneliness can feel like a deep threat to that need.
When Amy activates, it sends a cascade of stress signals through the body. This raises levels of cortisol, our primary stress hormone, which can leave us feeling tense, anxious, and even physically unwell. Headaches, stomach aches, and trouble sleeping are all common side effects. Prolonged loneliness can also take a toll on our mental health, increasing feelings of sadness, fear, and even hopelessness. Learn more about holiday loneliness and how to release it in the following psychoeducational video.
But here’s the empowering truth: even though these feelings are real and valid, they don’t have to define your holidays. Understanding the roots of loneliness is the first step in taking compassionate action to soothe your brain, calm your body, and create moments of joy and connection.
Learn more about holiday loneliness and how to release it in the following psychoeducational video.
Self-Compassion as a Holiday Gift
It’s natural to feel sadness when we’re alone during a time that celebrates togetherness, but loneliness doesn’t mean we’re broken or unworthy. Instead, it’s a signal from our brain and body asking for care and attention. Reframing loneliness as an invitation to connect with ourselves can open the door to self-compassion. Imagine saying to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here for me, and that’s enough for now.”
Often, we think of connection as something that must happen with others, but internal connection is just as meaningful. Spending time with yourself—intentionally and lovingly—can create a sense of belonging and ease. Start by asking, “What do I need right now to feel supported?” Then explore activities that bring you joy or comfort, whether it’s journaling, walking in nature, listening to music, or revisiting a favorite childhood hobby. These moments are not “filling time”—they are acts of self-love.
Self-compassion is not about erasing loneliness but about learning to hold it with kindness. By turning inward and nurturing your relationship with yourself, you can create moments of peace and connection that carry you through the holiday season—and beyond. Reframing loneliness as an invitation to connect with ourselves can open the door to self-compassion. Imagine saying to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here for me, and that’s enough for now.”
Creating Your Own Joy This Holiday Season
Joy doesn’t have to come from a crowded room or a packed schedule. Some of the most meaningful moments of happiness can come from intentionally crafting small, personal experiences that bring light into your day. When loneliness overwhelms you, taking time to curate your joy can shift the focus back to what you can do to make this season special.
1. Plan a Self-Play Date
Reconnect with what makes you feel happy and alive by planning activities that nurture your inner child or spark curiosity. These aren’t just distractions—they’re acts of self-care that remind you of the simple pleasures in life.
- Revisit childhood favorites: Build a blanket fort, color in a coloring book, or make a playlist of songs that take you back to a time when you felt carefree.
- Explore new hobbies: Try something you’ve always been curious about, like knitting, painting, or learning a few phrases in another language.
- Get outside: Nature has a remarkable ability to ground us. Take a walk in the park, wiggle your toes in the grass, or visit a nearby hiking trail.
2. Create Meaningful Rituals
The holidays can feel more special when we create traditions that honor where we are in life. These rituals can be big or small, but the intention behind them is what makes them meaningful.
- Decorate Your Space: Hang lights, put up a wreath, or create a centerpiece with items you already have. Transforming your environment can shift your mood.
- Gift Yourself: Wrap a few small presents for yourself—something you’ve been wanting or a book you’ve been meaning to read. Save them for a special day to unwrap.
- Savor the Small Moments: Light a candle, make a cup of hot cocoa, and allow yourself to fully enjoy the experience. These intentional pauses can be a powerful way to honor the present.
3. Celebrate Your Bravery
It takes courage to face loneliness and still seek out moments of happiness. Recognize the small wins:
- Did you get out of bed when it felt impossible? Celebrate that.
- Did you reach out to someone for a chat? Acknowledge the bravery in taking that step.
- Did you find a moment to laugh, even if it was at a silly meme? Let that joy fill your heart for a little while longer.
Remember, every small step you take is a victory. By choosing to curate joy for yourself, you’re affirming that you are worthy of happiness, connection, and love—even when circumstances feel challenging.
Additional Ideas to Try
- Cook or Bake: Experiment with a recipe you’ve always wanted to try or bake cookies to share with a neighbor or friend.
- Journal Your Gratitude: Each day, write down one thing you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Over time, these reflections can shift your perspective.
- Volunteer: Helping others can be a powerful antidote to loneliness. Consider spending time at a local shelter, food bank, or community event.
- Host a Virtual Hangout: If in-person gatherings aren’t an option, organize a Zoom party or watch a holiday movie with a friend online.
Curating personal joy doesn’t mean ignoring loneliness—it means honoring your needs and finding ways to light your own path. As you try these ideas, give yourself permission to feel proud of the joy you’re building, one moment at a time.
How to Stay Connected During the Holidays
When loneliness takes hold, the idea of reaching out to others can feel overwhelming. It’s common to worry about being a burden or fear rejection. But here’s the truth: connection is a fundamental human need, and most people are more open to connecting than we might expect. Taking the first step, even a small one, can start to chip away at the barriers that loneliness creates.
Reaching out doesn’t have to mean diving into large gatherings or intense social interactions. Start where you are, and remind yourself that taking small steps toward connection is an act of courage and self-care. A simple text to a friend or acquaintance, a comment on a social media post, or even a friendly wave to a neighbor can open the door to meaningful interactions. The key is to approach it with self-compassion, knowing that it’s okay to feel vulnerable.
Not all connections require deep conversations or big commitments. Here are some gentle, low-pressure ways to interact with others:
- Borrow a Friend’s Dog: If you love animals but don’t have a pet, ask a friend if you can take their dog for a walk. It’s a great way to enjoy companionship while spending time outdoors.
- Attend a Community Event: Look for low-pressure activities like book clubs, crafting workshops, or neighborhood caroling. These events offer opportunities to connect without the expectation of one-on-one interactions.
- Join a Virtual Group: If in-person events feel overwhelming, consider joining an online support group, gaming community, or hobby-based forum where you can connect with like-minded people from the comfort of home.
- Make a Small Gesture: Share a kind word with a cashier, bring cookies to a neighbor, or leave a thank-you note for a colleague. Small, intentional acts of kindness can spark connection and warmth.
Gratitude can also be a simple but powerful way to strengthen bonds with others. Expressing thanks, even for the smallest interactions, helps deepen our sense of connection and belonging. Consider these practices:
- Keep a Gratitude Journal: Write down moments of connection or kindness you experienced each day. Reflecting on these can remind you of the positive interactions in your life.
- Express Gratitude Directly: Send a quick message to someone who has supported you in the past, letting them know you’re thinking of them and appreciating their presence in your life.
- Focus on the Present: When engaging with others, take a moment to notice and silently thank them for their time, energy, or kindness. This mindset fosters deeper connections over time.
I encourage you to try the guided meditation below for connecting with gratitude during the holidays as an invitation to slow down and connect into the wonder, joy, and beauty in our loves. Connection doesn’t have to be perfect—it just needs to be genuine. And as you practice opening yourself to small moments of interaction, you may discover that people are more ready to meet you with warmth and care than you ever expected.
Managing Social Media’s Impact
Social media has a way of amplifying both the highs and lows of the holiday season. While it’s wonderful to see joyful celebrations and sparkling decorations, the endless stream of highlight reels can leave us feeling inadequate or left out. It’s easy to forget that these posts are carefully curated snapshots, not a full picture of someone’s life. Recognizing this and setting mindful boundaries can help protect your mental health and create space for more meaningful connections.
What we see online is only part of the story. Social media often showcases moments of joy while leaving out the everyday struggles we all face. This can create an illusion that others are living perfect lives while we’re falling short. When scrolling through your feed, remind yourself that behind every photo is a real person with their own challenges and insecurities.
A helpful tip: If you catch yourself comparing your life to what you see online, pause and ask, “What might I not be seeing in this picture?” Shifting your perspective can take the sting out of comparison and bring a sense of balance back to your mindset.
Setting clear boundaries allows you to engage with it in a way that feels supportive rather than draining.
- Schedule Time Away: Choose specific times during the day to step away from your phone or log out of your accounts. Use that time to focus on activities that bring you joy or relaxation.
- Turn Off Notifications: Avoid the constant pull of likes and comments by disabling notifications for social media apps.
- Curate Your Feed: Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel less-than and prioritize following people or pages that inspire, educate, or uplift you.
When used thoughtfully, social media can be a space for positive connection and community. Try engaging in ways that uplift you and those around you:
- Share Your Journey: If it feels right, post about your holiday experience honestly, including both the joys and challenges. Authenticity can encourage others to open up and remind you that you’re not alone.
- Join Supportive Groups: Seek out online communities focused on shared interests, personal growth, or support. Many people find comfort and belonging in these virtual spaces.
- Spread Kindness: Leave a positive comment on someone else’s post or send a direct message to a friend to let them know you’re thinking of them. Small acts of kindness can foster meaningful connections.
Social media is what you make of it. By approaching it with awareness and intention, you can turn it into a tool for connection rather than a source of stress. The goal isn’t to escape social media entirely but to use it in ways that enrich your life and support your well-being.
Setting Healthy Boundaries with Others
Setting clear boundaries doesn’t just apply to social media—it’s equally important to set boundaries with the people in your life. The holidays often come with increased demands, whether it’s attending gatherings, shopping for gifts, or meeting others’ expectations. Without clear boundaries, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and drained.
Boundaries are a form of self-care. They help you protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being, allowing you to focus on what truly matters to you. By saying no to what doesn’t serve you, you create space for the things and people that bring you joy and peace.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Others
Know Your Limits: Reflect on what feels manageable for you. Are there events or responsibilities that feel like too much? Identify where you need to draw the line.
Communicate Clearly and Kindly: Express your boundaries with respect and honesty. For example, “I’m not able to make it to the party this year, but I’d love to catch up over coffee next week.”
Give Yourself Permission: It’s okay to prioritize your needs, even if it means declining an invitation or taking time away from family gatherings.
Practice Saying No: This can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s an essential skill. Remember, saying no to others is saying yes to yourself.
If you’re unsure where to start, explore my guided meditation on setting boundaries below. This simple yet powerful practice will help you feel confident and grounded as you navigate the holidays with intention and care.
Moving Forward with Intention
It’s important to remember that feeling lonely during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re broken or unworthy—it’s a natural response to the human need for connection. And like all emotions, loneliness is temporary and can change with time and effort.
Navigating holiday loneliness takes courage and intention. By embracing both inward and outward efforts—practicing self-compassion, curating personal joy, reaching out for connection, and setting healthy boundaries—you can create a season that feels more aligned with your needs and your heart.
Every small step you take toward nurturing yourself and connecting with others is an act of resilience. By cultivating self-love and seeking authentic connections, you’re not only managing loneliness—you’re transforming it into an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. The holidays may not look like the movies, but they can still be a time of healing, joy, and meaning.
You are not alone, and you have the power to create moments of light, even in the darkest times. Together, let’s honor this season as a chance to care for ourselves and reconnect with the world around us, one small, brave step at a time.
References
- Graceful and Free. (n.d.). Holiday self-care: 12 ways to love yourself this season. Retrieved from https://gracefulandfree.com/holiday-self-care/
- Mood Indigo Living. (n.d.). Finding comfort and joy: A self-care survival guide for the holidays. Mood Indigo Living. Retrieved from https://moodindigoliving.com/blogs/news/finding-comfort-and-joy-a-self-care-survival-guide-for-the-holidays?
- Bad Beez. (n.d.). Find your happy place: Self-care tips for the holidays. Bad Beez. Retrieved from https://badbeez.com/blogs/news/find-your-happy-place-self-care-tips-for-the-holidays?srsltid=AfmBOorHWuFKKKVhG4JnyfW1rtrLEZ5IukWjaIrIxG4dmfA3MK1P3-tp
- (2016). Self-care strategies for the holidays. Shutterbean. Retrieved from https://www.shutterbean.com/2016/self-care-strategies-for-the-holidays/
