When a child or a teenager we love is hurting, our hearts ache alongside theirs. Whether it’s anxiety about school, overwhelm from big life changes, or the invisible scars left by trauma, watching them struggle can leave us feeling helpless and wondering: How do I help them feel safe again?
The good news is that our brains are neuroplastic. They’re constantly growing, learning, and, most importantly, rewiring. This means that even when a child or a teenager’s world has been shaken, healing and resilience are always possible. Through intentional, compassionate practices like mindful touch and co-regulation, we can help calm overactive stress responses, nurture their emotional development, and guide them toward a future defined not by what happened to them, but by the strength they discover within themselves.
Why Kids and Teens Are More Overwhelmed Today
Research and clinical observations confirm what so many parents and educators already sense: today’s youth are growing up in an environment of constant stress.
- A world of Constant Alerts
- Smartphones, social media, and 24/7 access to news mean kids are rarely “off.” Their brains continually process notifications, peer comparisons, and global crises—everything from climate anxiety to viral tragedies. This constant input keeps the amygdala on high alert, priming them for stress even during quiet moments.
- Rising Pressures and Expectations
- Academic competition, extracurricular overload, and the unspoken pressure to “do it all” can leave kids feeling like they’re never enough. Teens, especially, often navigate an unrelenting mix of school demands, social pressures, and the developmental task of figuring out who they are.
- Increased Awareness of Trauma
- We’re finally naming what generations before us didn’t: bullying, family conflict, identity struggles, and systemic stressors are real traumas. This awareness is critical for our society. It helps kids get the support they need, but it also means we’re seeing the depth of pain that’s always been there, now without the silence that used to mask it.
- Fewer Built-In Buffers
- Historically, community, extended family, and unstructured play provided natural outlets for stress. Today’s fast-paced schedules and fragmented support systems often leave kids with fewer places to rest, process, and simply be.
Understanding Trauma and Anxiety in Kids and Teens
Childhood and adolescence are times of extraordinary growth. Kids and teens constantly learn about themselves and the world, building the emotional and neurological foundations that will carry them into adulthood. But when life throws overwhelming challenges their way, whether it’s a sudden loss, ongoing family stress, bullying, or other adverse experiences, their developing brains can shift into survival mode.
One part of the brain called the Amygdala (or Amy for short) is responsible for our brain’s survival response. Her job is to scan for danger and keep kids safe. When triggered, it launches into action with lightning speed, flooding their system with stress hormones and activating instinctive responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
For a child, this might look like tantrums, clinginess, or nightmares. For a teenager, it might show up as withdrawal, irritability, anxiety, or risky behaviors. While these responses can be confusing or even frustrating for parents and caregivers, they are the brain’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe right now.”
When we understand that these reactions are rooted in the brain’s survival wiring—not in willful misbehavior—we can meet kids and teens with compassion rather than judgment. We shift from asking, “What’s wrong with them?” to “What’s happening in their nervous system, and how can we help them feel safe again?”
The Healing Power of Neuroplasticity
One of the most hopeful truths we know from neuroscience is this: the brain can change at any age. For children and teens, this is especially powerful. Their brains are still developing, which means every caring interaction, every soothing moment, and every safe connection shapes how their neural pathways are built.
When a child or teen experiences trauma or chronic stress, their brain may become primed to expect danger, even when they’re safe. But with consistent, supportive experiences, like mindful touch, grounding exercises, and co-regulation with trusted adults, the brain learns a new story: “I am safe. I can handle this. I am not alone.”
For younger children, gentle repetition and physical reassurance (like soothing touch or rhythmic breathing) help calm their stress responses and create a felt sense of safety. For teens, empowering them with simple, science-backed strategies gives them agency and helps them understand why their brain reacts the way it does thereby reducing shame and building resilience.
Practical Tools to Help Kids and Teens Heal
When children and teens experience anxiety, overwhelm, or trauma responses, they aren’t being “difficult,” their brain is doing exactly what it’s designed to do: protect them. The goal of healing isn’t to erase those protective instincts, but to help their brain learn when it’s truly safe and how to return to calm.
1. Mindful Touch
Touch is one of the most powerful ways to soothe an overactive nervous system. A simple soothing touch, such as stroking the arms, hands, or face, helps calm the amygdala to reduce stress hormones. Research shows that touch increases oxytocin, the “connection” hormone, helping kids feel loved and safe in their own bodies. It also creates space for new, positive associations in the brain, building resilience over time.
Caregivers can model the soothing touch described in the psychoeducational video below for their kids. As for your teenagers, you can encourage them to try these techniques during moments of overwhelm, such as before a big test or after an argument.
2. CPR for the Amygdala®
This playful, brain-based technique helps kids and teens interrupt stress spirals in real time. CPR stands for Creating Personal Resilience, combining soothing touch with simple “brain games” to shift attention away from distress. By calming the body and engaging working memory, this tool helps the brain learn a new pathway from panic to peace. For your teens, I encourage you to share this guided meditation below for immediate anxiety relief.
3. Co-Regulation with Caregivers
Children and teens learn to regulate their emotions by borrowing calm from the adults around them. When you slow your breathing, soften your voice, and stay present even when they’re melting down, you’re teaching their nervous system what safety feels like.
- Match, then lead: Mirror their breathing or posture, then gradually slow and soften yours to guide them toward calm.
- Name what you see: “Your heart is beating so fast. Let’s put a hand on our chest and take a slow breath together.”
- Stay connected: Eye contact, gentle touch, or simply sitting nearby can communicate, You’re not alone.
4. Building Emotional Vocabulary
Kids and teens often struggle to name what they’re feeling, making big emotions even more overwhelming. Helping them build an emotional vocabulary gives them the language and power to express what’s happening inside.
- Use emotion charts or “feelings thermometers” with colors or numbers.
- For younger kids: “Is your worry a tiny pebble, a medium rock, or a big boulder today?”
- For teens: Invite them to describe intensity on a 0–10 scale and explore what helps move that number down.
I’ve created an Emotions Thermometer you can share with your kid or teen to help assess their level of emotional activation. Naming feelings isn’t about “fixing” them. It’s about showing kids that emotions are signals, not threats, and they can learn to navigate them.
From Survival to Strength
Helping a child or teen heal from trauma isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about showing up, again and again, with love, patience, and tools that help their brain feel safe. Every moment of connection—every soothing touch, shared breath, or gentle reminder that they are not alone—rewires their nervous system toward resilience. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistency, it does happen.
If you’re ready to go deeper into these strategies and learn hands-on approaches to supporting kids through anxiety, trauma, and emotional overwhelm, I’d love to invite you to join me and other mental health leaders at the 2025 Child and Adolescent Mental Health Conference hosted by PESI. During my session, we will delve deep into Helping Kids Manage Stress and Develop Resilient Minds.
During this training, I’ll share:
- How the amygdala shapes emotional development in children and adolescents.
- Neuroplasticity-based interventions tailored to early childhood, middle childhood, and teen years.
- Practical tools for mindful touch, co-regulation, and self-awareness that you can use immediately with kids and families.
You’ll leave with actionable techniques you can integrate right away whether you’re a parent, teacher, therapist, or anyone supporting a child’s healing journey. Register today.
If you’d like to dive deeper into neuroplasticity, parenting, and supporting your child’s healing journey, I explore this in depth in my book, Healing in Your Hands. There’s an entire chapter dedicated to strengthening the parent–child relationship and equipping both you and your child with practical tools to nurture safety, connection, and resilience so together, you can become wired for healing.
References
- Nemours KidsHealth. (n.d.). Trauma and children: Helping kids heal. Nemours KidsHealth. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/trauma-care.html
- Better Health Channel. (n.d.). Trauma and teenagers: Tips for parents. State Government of Victoria. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/trauma-and-teenagers-tips-for-parents
- Nemours KidsHealth. (n.d.). Stress and children. Nemours KidsHealth. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/stress.html
- Silver State Adolescent Treatment Center. (n.d.). Helping teens process traumatic events. Silver State Adolescent Treatment Center. https://silverstateadolescenttreatment.com/help-teens-process-traumatic-events/
