You say something in a tense moment and immediately regret it. Or maybe you shut down during a conversation that mattered, only to walk away wondering why you couldn’t just stay present. That quiet internal voice might whisper, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why do I keep doing this?”
In my work with men navigating stress, relationships, and big emotions, I often hear this same concern: “I don’t want to react this way—but I don’t know how to stop it.” The truth is, these moments of reactivity aren’t about weakness or a lack of self-control. They’re actually rooted in the incredible design of your brain. You’re not alone and you’re certainly not broken.
What if I told you those reactions were your brain trying to protect you, even when it doesn’t feel helpful? Let’s take a look at how your nervous system works and why understanding it is the first step toward building resilience, emotional balance, and deeper self-trust.
The Survival Brain Doesn’t Wait for Permission
Deep within the brain lies a small, almond-shaped structure known as the amygdala, or Amy for short. This region is part of the limbic system and plays a critical role in how we detect and respond to perceived threats. It’s often referred to as the brain’s “alarm system” because it activates instinctive survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn before the rational part of the brain has time to process what’s happening.
The amygdala operates with incredible speed, often reacting in as little as 75 milliseconds after a stimulus. That’s significantly faster than the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for logic, reasoning, and emotional regulation. This means that in a moment of stress or emotional intensity, your brain may initiate a protective reaction before you’ve had a chance to think it through. I encourage you to watch the psychoeducational video below to better understand how Amy the amygdala designs our days when our brain is in survival mode.
For many men, these reactions can look like irritability, quick bursts of anger, or emotional withdrawal—responses that are often misunderstood as character flaws or poor self-control. In reality, they’re deeply embedded biological patterns designed to protect you.
Understanding that these responses are neurobiological, not moral or personal, is a vital first step in reducing self-blame and opening the door to new, healthier patterns of emotional regulation.
The 4 F’s—How Men Survive Stress
When the amygdala perceives a threat, it doesn’t just sound the alarm—it also mobilizes the body to respond. This is where the Four F’s come in: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. These are instinctive survival responses hardwired into the human nervous system. We all use them to some extent, often without realizing it, and they are especially common when someone has experienced chronic stress or unresolved trauma.
Let’s break them down:
- Fight is the response most often recognized, marked by irritability, anger, or a need to regain control. For men, this might look like snapping during a disagreement or becoming overly assertive in a stressful situation.
- Flight shows up as avoidance. For example, physically leaving, diving into work, distractions, or constantly staying busy to escape emotional discomfort.In this psychoeducational video, I delve deeper into the fight and flight responses. These skills come into play when we face a big or scary enough threat. If we’ve encoded a traumatic experience these coping skills can become a regular part of our life.
- Freeze involves shutting down. Emotionally, this can manifest as numbness, withdrawal, or a blank mind during conflict—what many describe as “checking out.”
- Fawn is the less-discussed survival pattern of appeasement—prioritizing others’ needs to avoid conflict. While often overlooked in men, it can show up as over-accommodation, difficulty setting boundaries, or saying “yes” when you mean “no.”
These responses aren’t choices. They’re adaptive strategies your nervous system developed to keep you safe. And while they may have been useful at some point in life, over time they can become barriers to connection, growth, and self-understanding.
Recognizing which of these patterns you default to is not about judgment. It’s about awareness. Once you can name the response, you create space to work with it rather than being ruled by it.
Trauma Isn’t Just the Big Stuff
When many people hear the word trauma, they think of extreme, life-threatening events—combat, natural disasters, or severe accidents. While those experiences can certainly leave lasting impacts on the brain and body, trauma isn’t always about the big, obvious moments. In fact, some of the most influential forms of trauma are quiet, chronic, and easily overlooked.
Trauma is anything that overwhelms the nervous system’s ability to cope and leaves a lasting imprint on how we experience safety, relationships, or self-worth. For men, this can include years of being told to “man up” or suppress emotions, the pressure to perform without room for vulnerability, growing up in emotionally unavailable households, or repeatedly feeling like your needs didn’t matter.
These experiences shape how your amygdala interprets the world. If you’ve been conditioned to expect judgment, rejection, or conflict, even small interactions can trigger a survival response. Your brain isn’t malfunctioning—it’s remembering.
In my clinical work and in the science behind my book, Healing in Your Hands, we explore how these seemingly “small” experiences actually rewire neural pathways over time. The result? Emotional reactivity in the present makes perfect sense when you understand what your nervous system has been through.
Recognizing this helps remove shame from the equation. You don’t need a dramatic story for your brain’s reactions to be valid. What matters is the impact and your capacity to heal it.
When the Past Shows Up in the Present
One of the most important things to understand about the amygdala is this: it doesn’t recognize time.
Amy isn’t concerned with whether something is happening now or happened 20 years ago. If a current moment feels similar to a past experience that was threatening or overwhelming, she will respond as if that original threat is happening all over again.
This is why you might find yourself reacting strongly in a situation that, on the surface, doesn’t seem like a big deal. For example, being interrupted in a meeting might unconsciously remind your nervous system of not being listened to as a child. Feeling dismissed by a partner might mirror earlier experiences of not being emotionally seen. These are called emotional echoes or implicit memory activations. Your body remembers, even if your mind doesn’t connect the dots right away.
We sometimes call this a “neurobiological time warp”, a moment when the nervous system responds to the present through the lens of the past. And again, this is not a conscious choice. It’s an automatic process rooted in your brain’s number one priority: survival. By learning to notice these patterns, you gain the power to interrupt them and to teach your brain that you are safe now, even if you weren’t then.
What You Can Do Without Shame
The survival responses we’ve explored—those automatic moments of shutdown, frustration, avoidance, or reactivity—are not signs of failure. They’re evidence that your brain has been working hard to protect you. And the empowering truth is: your brain can change.
This is the foundation of neuroplasticity—your brain’s lifelong ability to form new neural pathways in response to experience. Just as it learned to be on high alert, it can also learn to feel safe, calm, and connected. And that process doesn’t require perfection. It starts with small, consistent steps that support your nervous system.
When reactivity arises, the first step is awareness without judgment. Noticing what’s happening in your body—tight chest, racing thoughts, jaw tension—can interrupt the automatic cycle and help bring your thinking brain back online.
From there, even simple practices can create powerful shifts over time:
- Breathing slowly and intentionally (aiming for 4–6 breaths per minute) to signal safety.
- Engaging in rhythmic movement like walking, pacing, or stretching.
- Gently placing your hands on your chest or arms to provide a sense of grounding and containment.
- Using affirming language, such as “I am safe in this moment” or “This feeling will pass.”
None of these is about “fixing” yourself. They’re about retraining your brain to recognize safety and build new pathways for regulation. Each time you choose to respond with intention rather than reaction, you’re literally shaping your brain’s future responses.
Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means giving yourself the chance to respond to the present with more choice, clarity, and compassion.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do for our healing journey is not to do it alone. At Dr. Kate Truitt and Associates, we offer LIFT: A Therapy Group for Men Lifting Each Other through Change. This is a 12-week, neuroscience-based group led by Dr. Vince Panvini. LIFT is designed specifically for men navigating life’s stressors, unresolved trauma, and emotional triggers in a supportive and empowering environment.
Through impactful conversations and science-backed skills training, participants in LIFT will:
- Connect in a safe, male-focused therapeutic space
- Learn practical tools for stress and emotion regulation
- Increase emotional awareness and resilience
- Apply insights directly to real-life challenges, relationships, and personal goals
Dr. Panvini brings a warm, client-centered approach with expertise in anxiety, depression, trauma, and men’s mental health. If your or someone you love needs this, I encourage you to reach out or call today and schedule your free 30-minute consultation through info@drtruitt.com or 626-524-5525.
A New Definition of Strength
For many men, strength has long been defined by endurance—pushing through, staying quiet, keeping it together no matter the cost. But neuroscience is offering us a new definition:
True strength lies in self-awareness, emotional flexibility, and the ability to regulate from the inside out.
When you understand how your brain is wired to protect you, how it reacts out of memory, not malice, you can begin to approach yourself with compassion instead of criticism. You can start to see those intense reactions not as failures, but as signals. Invitations. Opportunities to pause, reconnect, and choose something different.
Your past may have shaped your nervous system, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future. With every moment of reflection, every deep breath, every time you bring awareness to a reactive pattern, you’re building resilience. You’re rewiring your brain for safety, for presence, and connection. You are not broken. You are becoming.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Men face unique challenges—stress, emotional isolation, trauma—and are often told to “tough it out” rather than seek support. But pushing through alone isn’t a strength. It’s survival.
The truth is, many men carry deep emotional pain shaped by unspoken expectations, adverse experiences, or simply not having safe spaces to process what life throws at them. And the impact is real—higher rates of substance use, suppressed emotion, and suicide.
At Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates, we specialize in providing neuroscience-based, trauma-informed care that empowers men to break old patterns, heal deeply, and build healthier, more connected lives.
Whether you’re working through past wounds, struggling in relationships, or just feeling stuck, therapy can help you move forward with clarity and strength.
🧠 Start your empowered healing journey today.
📞 Call 626-524-5525 or email info@drtruitt.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.
REFERENCES:
- Cornerstone Healing Center. (2020, November 23). The effects of trauma on men. https://www.cornerstonehealingcenter.com/resource/the-effects-of-trauma-on-men/
- Olff, M., & Langeland, W. (2022, April 27). Why men and women may respond differently to psychological trauma. Psychiatric Times. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/why-men-and-women-may-respond-differently-to-psychological-trauma
- Millacci, T. S. (2023, November 23). 7 trauma response types & how to recognize them. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/trauma-response/
