Human lives are intricately woven together by the stories we tell ourselves and share with others. Within us, there resides a profound desire to find meaning, to make sense of the intricate tapestry of our lives and the relationships we hold dear. Foundationally, we are meaning-making beings, and it is through the sharing of stories, the preservation of cherished memories, and the imparting of wisdom that we understand the world around us. In times of loss, these stories become our guiding lights, offering solace and connection, providing the meaning we seek. Our brains, in the aftermath of grief and trauma, become finely attuned to the meaning-making process, amplifying the importance of everyday experiences.
— an excerpt from my Book, Keep Breathing: A Psychologist’s Intimate Journey Through Loss, Trauma, and Rediscovering Life
In the unique and often solitary journey of grief, knowing how to start rebuilding our lives after a significant loss can feel like navigating a ship in turbulent waters without a captain on the ship. It can feel like the very foundation of our world is crumbling, leaving us adrift in a sea of grief.
As someone who has experienced great loss and traumatic grief, I want to share some helpful tips with you. I also shared the following YouTube video about my personal story of traumatic grief and loss.
Understanding Loss and Grief
Grief isn’t something that goes away in a straight line. It’s more like a wave—it comes and goes in intensity. Sometimes you might feel okay, and then suddenly, a wave of grief can wash over you, making you feel overwhelmed with sadness again. This can happen out of the blue, triggered by a memory, a date, or even a song.
Understanding that grief behaves this way can help you prepare for those moments and know it’s a normal part of healing. Just like waves in the ocean, these feelings will rise and fall. Each wave you navigate through is a step forward in your journey of healing.
How to Rebuild Your Life After Loss
- Allow yourself to grieve.
Giving yourself the space and permission to grieve is the foundation of healing. Understand that it’s okay not to be okay and that grief is a testament to the love and connection you had with what you’ve lost.
I invite you to check out this psychoeducational video below about managing overwhelming emotions when navigating grief. Discover how emotions can resemble a tidal wave or detachment, both of which are normal reactions.
- Look for support.
Sharing your grief can be incredibly healing, whether through friends, family, support groups, or professional help. It’s important to connect with others who can offer empathy, understanding, and support.
Lean on your loved ones during this challenging time. Surround yourself with people who understand, who offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Find ways to express your grief.
Grief needs a voice. Whether through writing, art, music, or another form of expression, find a way to articulate your feelings and experiences. This can be a powerful tool in processing your emotions and making sense of your loss.
I personally find journaling helpful for expressing my thoughts. If you’re looking for journaling prompts to help you express your emotions and gain self-awareness, you can get your free Keep Breathing Companion toolkit here.
- Take care of yourself.
Grief takes a huge toll on your mental, emotional, and even physical health. Just like any physical injury, grief weakens your emotional reserves. Self-care – healthy sleep, nutritious food, exercise – strengthens your body and mind, making you better equipped to handle the emotional waves of grief.
Pushing yourself too hard during grief can lead to exhaustion and even worsen your emotional state. Self-care allows you to listen to your body’s needs, take breaks, and recharge. Remember that self-compassion matters in your grieving journey.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t stop for grief. Bills need paying, jobs demand attention. Taking care of yourself ensures that you have the physical and mental strength to handle basic responsibilities while navigating the emotional storm.
- Build a new normal
When we lose a loved one or a job, or if something that once was no longer is, it can throw our routine out of whack. Start small and rebuild a daily structure that works for you now. Maybe it’s a morning walk and a healthy breakfast or an afternoon chat with a friend. As you get stronger, add things you used to enjoy, or even try something new!
- Explore new identities.
Loss often forces us to redefine ourselves. Exploring new interests, relationships, and perspectives can be a way of rediscovering who you are in the aftermath of loss.
Reflect on your values, your passions, and what brings meaning to your life. Is there a forgotten dream you can rekindle? Perhaps a new skill you’ve always wanted to learn? Embrace this opportunity for personal growth. You might be surprised by the strength and resilience you discover within yourself.
- Seek professional help
If grief feels overwhelming or persistent, seeking the help of a mental health professional can provide you with strategies to cope and heal. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your emotions and work through the complexities of your grief.
For those who are located in California, you may reach out to my teams at the Trauma Counseling Center of Los Angeles and Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates.
Resources for Mental Health Therapists
In my book, Keep Breathing: A Psychologist’s Intimate Journey Through Loss, Trauma, and Rediscovering Life, I share the most raw and transformative experience of my life. As a psychologist, neuroscientist, and trauma expert, I’d spent years studying the human brain and the intricate dance between our experiences and our minds. But nothing could have prepared me for the gut-wrenching loss I faced when my fiancé died just one week before our wedding.
Part memoir, part scientific exploration, the book delves into my own experience as a case study. I use the lens of my grief to illuminate the universal struggles we face – the depths of love and the sting of loss, the paralyzing fear and the spark of hope.
By sharing my journey, I hope to offer a roadmap for anyone navigating the uncharted territory of grief. It’s a raw and honest exploration of the path to healing and self-discovery. It’s about learning to breathe again, to rebuild a life shattered, and to rediscover the strength that lies within us all.
It comes out on April 2nd, and you can pre-order it at all major bookshops! And if you can’t wait to read it, sign up for my newsletter and get the first chapter for free!
References:
Ryan Funeral Homes. (2023, January 02). 5 Steps to Begin Rebuilding Your Life After the Loss of Your Partner. Retrieved from https://www.ryanfuneralservice.com/
Gross, J. (2018, February 14). When a loved one dies: Six tips for rebuilding life after death. Dr. Jill Gross. Retrieved from https://www.drjillgross.com/blog/when-a-loved-one-dies-six-tips-for-rebuilding-life-after-death
Rosenfield, J. (2022, MAy 1). How to rebuild a life after the death of a partner. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/may/01/self-and-wellbeing-the-death-of-a-partner-is-devastating-but-the-bond-still-matters
